It drives me crazy when people make general statements implying that maternity leave is somewhat like a vacation. It is not even remotely close! With all 3 of my children, I took a combination of short-term disability and what was left of my sick leave to amount to a total of six weeks of maternity leave for each child. Yes, it was pretty pitiful, and I was scraping the bottom of the leave barrel, but I digress. Just know that the recommended six weeks is not nearly enough time to bond with a new baby, and it is still surprising that other countries are running laps around the U.S. when it comes to this. Sure, I could have taken the allowable 12 weeks, but the last six weeks would have been without pay (a no-go for me and probably many others as well).

Some women are fortunate enough to have significantly more leave saved up to spend more time with their new babies, and thankfully, many companies are adopting leave donation strategies to aid employees medically. However, I still think it’s inappropriate to treat women as though they’re taking a “vacation” when they go on maternity leave. Here’s why:

The restlessness

The sleepless nights don’t just begin once the baby arrives. In the weeks and days leading up to birth, the parents-to-be will likely be overly anxious and may or may not get the sudden urge to scrub every window sill in the house with a toothbrush to prepare for the new addition to the family (seriously). Is the hospital bag packed? Is the nursery ready? Bedrest with limited activity allowed? Unable to sleep because a tiny foot is kicking your ribs? Are the spices in alphabetical order? Yep, that sounds about right! Often heard is, “Get all the sleep you can before baby arrives,” but it can be quite tricky when there is the lingering feeling that there is still much to do. Not to mention, by that point, momma is uncomfortable with Braxton Hicks contractions, restless leg syndrome, and more! Overwhelm!

The hospital

So, you won’t be getting much rest at the hospital either. I hate to break it to you. Once you’re all ready to head there to deliver your bundle of joy, the nurses and doctors will consistently check your vitals throughout your stay. By the time you think you might have a moment to close your eyes, here comes someone else needing a blood pressure reading. And eventually, the baby will officially make its grand entrance.  Once the baby is born, forget about closing your eyes. Your newborn will be so adorable that you will literally stay up just about all night swooning at them. Many hospitals now require that the newborn stay in the room with the parents at night, rather than keeping them in the nursery. The nurses and doctors will also be in and out throughout the night to check on baby as well. This is where it starts to get semi-real with the diaper changes, feedings and wakings.

But you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Home sweet home

Hooray, it’s time to head home! This is where parenthood gets extremely real. You’ll be happy to know that some companies offer paternity leave to men to assist and bond with their babies in the first couple of weeks. You will be tired and snappy. You will watch the baby to make sure their chest rises and falls. People will want to come over – announced and unannounced — to see your bundle of joy. Your house will be a mess. The phone or doorbell WILL ring when you have finally gotten the baby to sleep. You will feel as though you can barely get a shower in. Once the mother’s milk comes in, her boobs will feel like hard rocks. Rinse and repeat. The first pediatrician visits will be during this time as well. Also, for the record, the whole “sleep while baby sleeps” thing is a joke.  It’s quite a ride. But a beautiful ride nonetheless.

The juggling act

Here is where the grumbling lies. It will seem that just as you begin to get into the swing of things and are finally bonding with the baby, it will be time to head back to work. You will need to find a licensed daycare…one that you absolutely feel good about. Breastfeeding moms might still be struggling to build up their milk supply for the childcare provider to feed the baby during work hours. Not to mention, do you know if there a place and time to pump milk at work? Quite frankly, many women are still healing and experiencing bleeding at the 6-8 week mark. And signs of post-partum depression may even begin to seep in (an entire battle in itself). It’s so hard to leave baby to return to the workforce, and the worry never truly goes away.

Did I miss the part with the sand and umbrella drinks? Maternity leave, a vacation? I think not! So let’s stop acting like the weeks after childbirth are a walk in the park.

Any maternity leave myths you’d like to dispel? Sound off in the comments below!